Thursday, November 24, 2005

Sometimes you just want to spoon with some poo

Someone stole my idea: plush pee and poo dolls.

Actually my idea is slightly different. I always doodle turds at restaurant tables that have paper table clothes. So i draw the shape of a steamer and then ask the dinner guests to give me a character or historical figure. Then I draw features and accesories on the poop. And voila! Charac-turds!

I thought that these would be good action figures for stupid hipsters at Urban Outfitters.

Friday, November 11, 2005

On My Wedding Day

I have decided that for my wedding day. I would like for me and my cousins and brothers to spend several weeks prior to the blessed event rehearsing for the reception. At said reception, we will perform in perfect harmony Starland Vocal Band's classic Afternoon Delight

We will sing this to my husband, as I am assuming that I would only marry a man who thinks this would be as hilarious as I do.

Nothing like a family choir singing about a gettin' some during a coffee break.

Sometimes, I must surrender to being a sheep

I know this was already featured on the Daily Show, so it doesn't have that same ironic, indie, street cred that I usually aspire to. But it was very apropos to my current obsession: cannibalism.

I've been spending much of my day thinking about whether or not you would go back to regular meat once you go cannibal.

Anyway, here is the site I wanted to link to:

Eat HuFu - The Healthy Human Flesh Alternative

These are two possible taglines that I would like to submit to the HuFU corporation.

"Same great flavor! Less Guilt!"
"When you want to have your neighbors for dinner, but don't want all the fuss" (courtesy of my brother, Evan)


More importantly, I would like to draw you attention to this very funny t-shirt

seal

Thanks

Thanks to everyone who posted a coment in response to my last posting. Not that I felt sad or anything, but it filled me with a fuzzy sense of community.

I love you all ... ...this much!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

When the Inevitable Happens

My ex-boyfriend is getting married. Our mutual friends broke the news to me last night. The moment after she told me the news, she recoiled in fear. But, to my surprise, I wasn't heart-broken at all. Quite the opposite. I told her not to fear, and that she should even send my congrats to the ex.

But then, she added: "I know, it's crazy isn't it. I mean, he's marrying Jo-Jo of all people."


WHHAAAATTTTT?


(background: jo-jo was his high school girlfriend who was the biggest JAP you could ever conceive of. She also was an ongoing joke through out my tenure with the boyfriend story short: Jo-Jo is the Anti-June)


Well, I took back my well-wishes. I'm still not heart-broken, or even mad. I guess I'm just disappointed. Did he learn nothing?

Once you taste the sweet nectar that is June, how do you go back to Minute Maid Orange Juice from concentrate?

Anyway, there are two possibilities. 1) He has just personified everything I feared about Jewish male stereotypes. Good men look for non-challenging girl who wants to get engaged as soon as they are out of the womb. 2) He was never the person I had thought he was.

Anyway. I don't want to stick a karmic "Kick Me" sign on my back so...Congratulations to him. And while he resigns to marital mediocrity, I'll be getting my swerve on as a Gal About Town.